she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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