im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
