So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This baby is an asshole
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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