you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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