Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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