do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
