so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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