Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
