Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
