cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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