WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
