And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
