So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
