Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
