Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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