I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
