I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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