Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
