Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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