I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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