If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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