Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
