apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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