"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
