YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
