May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
