Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
