Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
