Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
