its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
