im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
