Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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