the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
