hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
