I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
