does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
