so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
