i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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