Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
