I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
