East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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