So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
