Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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