bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize