i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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