i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
