she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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