I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
