I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
