He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
And then he peed in my hair
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