so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize