I'm passing your future prison.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
