Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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