So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
