Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
