I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
