At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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