If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
