The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
