She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Of course I have a pirate flag
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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