It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
