oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
