so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
