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• (386): View more from Florida

  tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.

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• (315): View more from New York

  im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  I didn't get it..

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm sorry. But to the original question please.

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• (807): View more from Ontario

  Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.

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