Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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