Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize