I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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