I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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