Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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