Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
