can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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