oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
