i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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