HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
