her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
