This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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