chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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