How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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