I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize