I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
