note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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