what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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