i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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