Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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