all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
