so explain again why im purple
no
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
