We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
