ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
