I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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