I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
