I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
