I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize