Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize