Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
