Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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