ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
