First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize