This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
