When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
