he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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