If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
