They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
