i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Still dying that you shit outside
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
