I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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