It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
